View Past Articles in the Archive

SPRING…and new beginnings
by Suzy Yehl Marta

Whenever I think of Spring I almost feel refreshed! The winter gray is melting away and soon the green of spring will be sprouting on our trees, grass comes to life, and flowers have broken through the ground.

This describes Spring outdoors. Spring also happens inside, in our homes. When I was growing up, this was the time of the year we washed walls, cleaned the carpet and draperies. We cleaned closets and drawers. We seemingly got ready to open our windows wide and let in fresh air and a brand new season awaiting our imprint. Today, Spring cleaning often includes a fresh coat of paint on walls, new or at least rearranged furniture, and perhaps a thorough straightening and cleaning of the garage.

However, did you know there is another Spring cleaning we need to pay attention to…the one in our hearts! How are all of our relationships - are they strong and thriving? Do they enhance our lives? This is the time to take stock of your relationships and clean out what hurts us. Our most important friendships are within our families…our immediate families. Family is the place where you began life. Family includes our parents, our children, our siblings and our friends. Family today are those people whom we are bound to by birth, by law, and by love.

What is Spring cleaning in relationships? Take some time to be reflect on and assess each of the relationships in your family – your family of origin, your family you created, and your extend family and friends. Some questions to ask yourself are:

1. Am I estranged from anyone?

2. Are you carrying any grudges?

3. Have you been able to forgive past grievances?

4. Have you asked for someone’s forgiveness?

5. Have you forgiven transgressions of others?

6. Where you the one that stopped responding?

7. What prevents you from reaching out to reconnect?

8. What needs to happen before you feel strong enough to rebuild these relationships?

Whether you consider your relationship satisfactory or exemplary – Spring cleaning is critical to enriching and strengthening these bonds.

As Single Dads, the most important relationship you will ever have is with your children. They are your heart and soul. Whether your child is biological, adopted, or fostered…they need you. You gave them life…in the conception sense but you must also give them daily life. They deserve and need your nurturing and guidance to be able to become all they were created to be. Your children crave your wisdom from life lived. They want to hear your childhood stories. They want to learn how to pitch a ball or ride a bicycle. They need to hear your voice reading to them and helping them with a school project. They need you to attend their games, plays, concerts, and meetings.

SPRING CLEANING 2007

1. Reflect on your childhood. Where your Mom and Dad all you needed them to be? Have you given to your kids what you wish you had been given?

2. Have you ever had a candid conversation with your kids about how they feel about your relationship? Listen to them without being defensive. Ask them how you can be better for them. Share with them what you need.

3. If you have not spoken to them in a while, call or write now! Always keep in mind you are the parent and they are the child. Rejection is a heart breaker but never stop trying – ever. It very well might take your children having children before they respond but nevertheless you take the high road. They will then remember that you never gave up on them.

4. Commit to yourself to become active in their daily lives. They will be adults before you know it.

Every child desires (and needs) to be called by name and told they are important and loved. Without question, society has known this and research has proven how critical and essential a father is in the life a child. A child needs to be cuddled. A child needs to be read to. A child needs help with homework, taught how to read a bicycle, or throw a football. More importantly, every child must know their father…the man. Who are you? What is your favorite food? What is your favorite memory? Who are your heroes? What do you need to be happy? Introduce yourself to them and build from there.

Start now and enjoy the summer!