New Year's Do Overs...
1/21/2012 | Michael Yehl
At the end of every year, we reflect back on personal events that happened to us. With the recent economic downturn, we tend to think more of the negative events than the positive. The holidays which are supposed to be a positive event, often marred by holiday visitation schedules, implied competition to make your holidays as special if not more special than their moms. Maybe you lost your job and additional money problems cast a huge cloud on your holiday. Perhaps you were in court simply trying to see your kids.
If the holiday did not or has not been what you had hoped, New Years gives a renewed reason to hope. New Year’s Day symbolizes a fresh start, a “do over” so to speak. It is a time to look on choices, good and bad, and figure out how to make the next year better. For a single dad, that can be easier said than done. To help make that happen, here are few things to help make your year with your kids a little bit better:
1. Your children love you UNCONDITIONALLY! Many times it is our own perceptions of how we should raise our kids; how to show them you love them that often set us up for failure.
2. Resolutions are made to be broken, so set a New Year’s goal. Make the goal obtainable. Always focus on one realistic way to be a better parent. Yes, it does not have to involve money or taking your kids somewhere.
3. Make time to make contact your kids each day. Even if it is just to say Hi and say I love you. Even if they don’t respond. Don’t stop doing it.
4. Make sure you parenting skills are consistent and appropriate. Even if you feel the other parent is not as strict. As long as the kids are not neglected, just stay the course.
5. Get a notebook and calendar. Mark everything down anything that involves your kids. This will include court dates, visitation and communication. You hope you never need it, but it is there just in case. Never, ever discuss these issues with your kids. It is between the parents.
6. Never, ever use your child to relay messages to their mother. Pick up the phone or send an email. Remember we are the adults.
7. Never cut the other parent down in front of your children. True or not, it is shooting an arrow through your kid’s heart into the other parent. They love both parents equally. If there are issues, your kids will figure them out.
8. Make time to sit at the dinner table to talk. Yes that seems very foreign these days; however, if you start sharing your life with them, they will share their life with you.
9. If you have not seen your children in a while, start slow. You cannot make yourself instant dad by just showing up. Trust is earned.
10. Remember it is not about the money or the amount of visitation. It is always about loving your children. Anything worth doing is hard work.
Depending on your relationship with your kids or where you are in the court process, by just taking on one or two of these suggestions as your goal, it will start you on your way to building and maintaining your relationship with your kids. Happy New Year!