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Making the Most out of Your Summer
Summer is here and many dads are getting their kids for an extended period of time now their kids are out of school. For some dads, it is two whole weeks, other dads it may be the whole summer. Regardless of the time frame, most dads want to jam pack that time with activities as they maximize their days with the kids for a block of uninterrupted visit; an exciting time for you and your kids. By all means, make the time enjoyable and take lots of pictures, but remember to make a routine and boundaries too. You cannot always be the hero or most popular. It is never a competition or who they love more. It is about being with you!
First and foremost, you are a dad. As a dad, you need to have a routine and boundaries for your children; especially for your teenage kids. Whether you are new to being a single dad or you have been doing this for years, routines and boundaries are a required necessity. Here are a few easy steps you can use to make their extended stay enjoyable and memorable.
Establish a routine: This would include bedtimes, mealtimes & chores (yes chores).
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All kids have their limits. Children without a set bedtime, usually will set you up for crabby, edgy and often unpredictable kids. I am not saying an occasional late night is out of the question, but to allow your kids to stay up as late as they want often sets the ground work for potential problems.
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Going out to dinner, lunch or even breakfast is a great treat! Ordering in is also a great treat; however, to make that the norm, again becomes expensive and could set the example of some bad eating habits (dogs, burgers, fast food). Planning mealtimes together at the table also allows you to engage in great conversation about your kid’s lives, your life, thoughts and feelings about different things. A restaurant atmosphere often has too many distractions. While every meal at the table may often be unrealistic, meals at home are often cheaper, easier to make, more nutritionally balanced & does not require reservations.
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Chores do several things; first it teaches your kids about life skills they will need as they get older, next it helps them take ownership and responsibility of your home and last, it teaches them to respect the home they live in. Each home is different, naturally chores are different. Even the youngest of children can take out the trash, clean a cat box or dry the dishes.
Activities: Vacations, movies, amusement parks and other extended fun.
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Everyday does not have to be a fun activity away from home. Water parks, Amusement parks, movies and mini golf are great for extended fun. Break those activities up. Don’t fill every day with “Disneyland Dad” activities. Remember your kids love you for you and not predicated on the fun you provide them (unless that is what you want). Outings to a local park, BBQ outside in the yard, playing board games or yes even use you xbox or WII to spend time together at home. Even having neighbors over with their kids is a great way to keep the activity close to home and teaches social skills too!
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Visits to relatives that they haven’t seen in a while are also a great way to combine travel and help your kids connect to family.
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If you are using your full two weeks for a vacation, you can still set a routine as you rest and have fun away from home.
Establish Boundaries: Kids are our responsibility until 18 for a reason. They lack many life skills to make proper choices all the time. Remember it is their job to test the limits of your boundaries. It is your job to know when to push back or find the middle ground.
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All children need rules. Your kids need to know what your rules are. Ideally, your rules should emulate what is done at your ex’s home. I fully understand that may not be possible. Remember you are a parent first, their friend second. While they may be angry at you now, it usually doesn’t last and can also be a great way to set up some wonderful dialogue between you and your kids.
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Yes, sometimes your rules can cause disagreements between you and your kids or between the siblings. This is normal, as it is a family learning to cohabitate. It will not drive your kids away from you, it may just do the opposite because you are modeling expectations. Remember life lessons are usually done as part of your routine.
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Establishing rules early also sets up a level of respect for you, your home and your kids. As your kids hit those teen years (you remember how you were), it was those rules that helped keep us in check. If rules are not established early, it will often set you up for major disobedient issues in the future. An example of this would be to allow your kids to drink soda their whole life and then at 15 years old, tell them they have to drink water or milk. If you think about it, all the fun activities that you may take your kids to, have rules that must be followed. Your home is no different. A home with no rules does not make you a good parent. It will set you up for failure.
Having your kids for extended time is a wonderful thing! Finding that balance between fun time and family time is very important. Fun time is an extension of family time. Do not get the two confused. You don’t have to give your kids everything they want, just what they need. To develop and maintain a good relationship with your kids requires you to find the balance between parenting and being a friend. Remember you are a parent first, friend second. Yes, they can be in conflict, but being the parent is your first, best responsibility. Enjoy everything the summer has to offer. Remember you are a father first, friend second.
Chores are a Life-Skill that MUST be Taught!
Growing up, I had chores. Most of us grew up having to do chores. We hated them. Often, we would have to be reminded and thought our parents were being too lazy to do it themselves, ESPECIALLY if you did not get an allowance for the chores. I am sure it was hard enough to get your kids to do chores in two parent families, but when you are a single parent, the struggle to get your kids to complete chores seems to be near impossible.
In today’s age, it seems many parents do not have their children do their chores, especially in single parent households. If you are a single dad and your kids are not living with you, it is usually a given you will not have your kids do chores. While the reasoning behind this problem, yes problem, may have perfect logic, you are actually cheating your kids at lessons of life skills and independence as adults.
I get it, todays parenting is not what it was two or more decades ago. Parents are working multiple jobs, or have jobs that require early mornings and late hours, kids are in multiple extra-curricular activities, too tired, it’s easier if I just do it myself, and the best excuse, my kids will have to do them when they are adults, why make them do chores now!? As single dads, when it is our weekend to have our children, we want it to be a pleasant experience full of fun, so we don’t make our kids do chores, because we are afraid they may not want to spend time with us because we make them do chores. You know how to do chores….why is that?
You know how to do chores because you were taught, usually by a parent or relative, to do them. We do them now without thinking twice, but we had to learn it from somewhere. Yes, we still do not like to do our chores, but to own a home, lack the finances to hire someone to do them, yet must be completed to maintain a clean, safe, welcoming home for ourselves and our children. Even if you can afford to pay someone to do the work for you, you are still cheating your children out of needed life skills for adulthood. These chores teach self-confidence, self-reliance (independence), accountability, and pride for they place they live.
Part of parenting is preparing our children for adulthood. Many of those life skills are taught at age appropriate levels. It starts with teaching our children to talk, potty training and brushing their teeth. Chores also are a key ingredient preparing them for adulthood. Teaching chores at when they are adolescents is actually much more defeating then when they are little.
I want you to think about when you had friends over at your house for dinner and you have a mess in your kitchen. The last thing you want to do is clean the kitchen. You roll up your sleeves and get started. When it is done, you look at it as an accomplishment and a bit of pride that your kitchen is clean!
