Depending on when you read this, your kids will be or are back in the groove of school- studies, activities, events, and friendships.   Undoubtedly, they will have this year’s circle of friends, they will know which subjects (and teachers) they have, decided which extracurricular activities to participate in, and even look forward to the holiday breaks that will be here before you know it.

 

Where do you fit in your child’s school community?  For our children, school is where they spend most of their awake time each day. Just like adults with work.  Our kids’ teachers, classmates, and activities mean the world to them.  There will be fantastic days and there will be challenging days also. This is the very reason we, as their parent, need to be involved in their school world too.  They need our guidance and support.

 

All too often, as a single dad, you might feel awkward or unwelcome in the school community.  Perhaps your child’s Mom tries to keep you away, or you believe the school is her domain with the kids so you do not get involved.  It is important for you to realize that your child wants and needs you too.  Get engaged.  If for no other reason than they deserve and want to know you care!  It helps them succeed too!

 

What about those kids you have in college?  Yes, they are young adults and 18 or older, but that does not mean you stop being engaged.  Your adult children may not need you to tell them to do their homework, what time to go to bed or meet with their professors on their progress, but you DO NEED TO BE ENGAGED!

 

Here are some strategies that you can implement to help you be more proactive in your children’s school life.  Remember, this is not about you, it is about your relationship with your children.  As I always mention, every family dynamic is different.  These strategies may require fine tuning or simply will not work.  I get that, but is should not preclude you from trying. 

 

 

Dad’s Homework

 

• Attend Parent- Teacher Conferences; if for some reason you cannot attend on conference day or make arrangements to meet either before or after conference day.  I am sure you can call in also.  Most teachers are accommodating.

• Call or video chat nightly to find out how your child’s day went.  Now the older your children, the frequency will probably be less; however, you need to check in especially if there was a big test, assignment or tryout. 

• Download your children’s school calendar and add essential days to your personal and work calendars.  Don’t expect your children or your ex to keep you informed. 

• When you are having parenting time, help with homework without distractions of any electronics, including your phone. 

• Volunteer with their activities, such as a field trip or sports team.  While most single parents may not be able to participate consistently, but make an effort at least once or twice in a school year. 

• Ask the teacher to email/mail you your child’s report card.  Don’t expect to get the information from your children or your ex.  Go to the source and make sure any communication is received by you also.  More and more schools are now making report cards and other documents available virtually.  Make sure you have access.  

• Make sure your children's school have all necessary documents regarding your divorce and access to your children and their progress.  Also make sure you are down as an emergency contact also. Do not assume your ex took care of it. 

• Get to know your child’s friends – have them over or take them for pizza or make a huge batch of mac and cheese.  It gives you a chance to see their social dynamic and indirectly letting your children know, it is ok to have their friends over at your house too.

• Display their school picture and report card on your refrigerator.  While I get it will not be possible for both parents to display the original work, but scanning a copy or asking their teacher to make a copy to send you speaks volumes when they are with you and see it on the fridge! 

• Find out their favorite subject so you can find interesting information to share with them and use as conversation starters.  It shows you are taking a genuine interest in them and what they like.

 

 

 

Dad’s Homework if you have children in college

 

• Go to Freshmen Orientation and help get them settled. Simply don’t drop them off and leave.  Determine your departure based on the schedule created by the college or university.  If they are returning to college and it is not local, try and stay overnight.  That way if something pops up, you are directly available.  If nothing changes, head home. 

• Make sure your name is on any release forms giving you permission to have access to their medical records and in some cases, their academic progress.  Laws now govern that colleges DO NOT have to release information regardless who is paying the bills.  Your child is 18 or older.  This is a proactive essential!

• Get their college calendar which is available online. Stay appropriately engaged.

• Reach out to your college student often.  Even if it is a text or email.  Simply to check in.  Remember, they don’t need you to hover even though you may want to do that. 

• Avoid just showing up to surprise them.  If you want to visit them, communicate your intentions.  If it can’t be the dates you had hoped, I am sure there are other times.  Be flexible.  Showing up unannounced potentially sets you both up for disappointment.

• Allow your college student to problem solve when discussing issues they are having. Even if they ask you for the answer, guide them to the answer.  You want independence and self-reliance. 

• Remind them if they need anything, day or night, to call you. 

 

 

Okay, you have your homework assignments.  If you complete them on time, I promise you will have an A+ in fatherhood...