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Are you Ready for the Summer?

Summer is here and many dads are getting their kids for an extended period of time now their kids are out of school. For some dads, it is two whole weeks, other dads it may be the whole summer. Regardless of the time frame, most dads want to jam pack that time with activities as they maximize their days with the kids for a block of an uninterrupted visit; an exciting time for you and your kids. By all means, make the time enjoyable and take lots of pictures, but remember to make a routine and boundaries too. You cannot always be the hero or most popular. It is never a competition or who they love more. It is about being with you!

First and foremost, you are a dad. As a dad, you need to have a routine and boundaries for your children; especially for your teenage kids. Whether you are new to being a single dad or you have been doing this for years, routines and boundaries are a required necessity. Both teach accountability and responsibility as well as needed age appropriate life skills. Here are a few easy steps you can use to make their extended stay enjoyable and memorable.

Establish a routine: This would include bedtimes, mealtimes & chores (yes chores).

All kids have their limits. Children without a set bedtime, usually will set you up for crabby, edgy and often unpredictable kids. I am not saying an occasional late night is out of the question, but to allow your kids to stay up as late as they want often sets the ground work for potential problems.
Going out to dinner, lunch or even breakfast is a great treat! Ordering in is also a great treat; however, to make that the norm, again becomes expensive and could set the example of some bad eating habits (dogs, burgers, fast food). Planning mealtimes together at the table also allows you to engage in great conversation about your kid’s lives, your life, thoughts and feelings about different things. A restaurant atmosphere often has too many distractions. While every meal at the table may often be unrealistic, meals at home are often cheaper, easier to make, more nutritionally balanced & does not require reservations.
Chores do several things; first it teaches your kids about life skills they will need as they get older, next it helps them take ownership and responsibility of your home and last, it teaches them to respect the home they live in. Each home is different, naturally chores are different. Even the youngest of children can take out the trash, clean a cat box or dry the dishes.

Activities: Vacations, movies, amusement parks and other extended fun.

If you are using your full two weeks for a vacation, you can still set a routine as you rest and have fun away from home.
Everyday does not have to be a fun activity away from home. Water parks, Amusement parks, movies and mini golf are great for extended fun. Break those activities up. Don’t fill every day with “Disneyland Dad” activities. Remember your kids love you for you and not predicated on the fun you provide them (unless that is what you want). Outings to a local park, BBQ outside in the yard, playing board games or yes even use you Xbox or WII to spend time together at home. Even having neighbors over with their kids is a great way to keep the activity close to home and teaches social skills too!
Visits to relatives that they haven’t seen in a while are also a great way to combine travel and help your kids connect to family.

Establish Boundaries: Kids are our responsibility until 18 for a reason. They lack many life skills to make proper choices all the time. Remember it is their job to test the limits of your boundaries. It is your job to know when to push back or find the middle ground.

All children need rules. Your kids need to know what your rules are. Ideally, your rules should emulate what is done at your ex’s home. I fully understand that may not be possible. Remember you are a parent first, their friend second. While they may be angry at you now, it usually doesn’t last and can also be a great way to set up some wonderful dialogue between you and your kids.
Yes, sometimes your rules can cause disagreements between you and your kids or between the siblings. This is normal, as it is a family learning to cohabitate. It will not drive your kids away from you, it may just do the opposite because you are modeling expectations. Remember life lessons are usually done as part of your routine.
Establishing rules early also sets up a level of respect for you, your home and your kids. As your kids hit those teen years (you remember how you were), it was those rules that helped keep us in check. If rules are not established early, it will often set you up for major disobedient issues in the future. An example of this would be to allow your kids to drink soda their whole life and then at 15 years old tell them they have to drink water or milk. If you think about it, all the fun activities that you may take your kids to have rules that must be followed. Your home is no different. A home with no rules does not make you a good parent. It will set you up for failure.

Having your kids for extended time is a wonderful thing!Finding that balance between fun time and family time is very important.Fun time is an extension of family time.Do not get the two confused..To develop and maintain a good relationship with your kids requires you to find the balance between parenting and being a friend. Remember you are a parent first, friend second. Yes, they can be in conflict, but being the parent is your first, best responsibility. Enjoy everything the summer has to offer. Remember you are a family!

Spring and New Beginnings

Whenever I think of Spring, I think of new beginnings! The winter gray and cold is giving way to the color and warmth of spring as our trees, grass comes to life, and flowers have broken through the ground.

Spring also happens inside, in our homes. When I was growing up, this was the time of the year my mom would have my brothers and I washing walls, cleaning windows, the carpet and purging things we no longer fit, need or use. We seemingly got ready to open our windows wide and let in fresh air and a brand-new season awaiting. For some, Spring cleaning often includes a fresh coat of paint on walls, new or at least rearranged furniture, and perhaps a thorough straightening and cleaning of the garage.

Did you know there is another Spring cleaning we need to pay attention to…the one in our hearts! How are all of our relationships - are they strong and thriving? Do they enhance our lives? This is the time to take stock of your relationships and clean out what hurts us. Our most important friendships are within our families…our immediate families. Family is the place where you began life. The family includes our parents, our children, our siblings and our friends. Family today are those people whom we are bound to by birth, by law, and by love.

What is Spring cleaning in relationships? Take some time to be reflect on and assess each of the relationships in your family – your family of origin, your family you created, and your extend family and friends. Some questions to ask yourself are:

Am I estranged from anyone?
Are you carrying any grudges?
Have you been able to forgive past grievances?
Have you asked for someone’s forgiveness?
Have you forgiven transgressions of others?
Where you the one that stopped responding?
What prevents you from reaching out to reconnect?
What needs to happen before you feel strong enough to rebuild these relationships?

Whether you consider your relationship satisfactory or exemplary – Spring cleaning is critical to enriching and strengthening these bonds.

As Single Dads, the most important relationship you will ever have is with your children. They are your heart and soul. Whether your child is biological, adopted, or fostered…they need you. You gave them life…in the conception sense but you must also give them daily life. They deserve and need your nurturing and guidance to be able to become all they were created to be. Your children crave your wisdom from life lived. They want to hear your childhood stories. They want to learn how to pitch a ball or ride a bicycle. They need to hear your voice reading to them and helping them with a school project. They need you to attend their games, plays, concerts, and meetings. Yes, more than just your child support and weekend visits per your divorce decree or custodial responsibilities.

SPRING CLEANING 2025

Reflect on your childhood. Were your parents all you needed them to be? Have you given to your kids what you wish you had been given? This goes beyond, did you buy them that toy, take them on that cruise they wanted or give them the latest cell phone with the latest gadgets attached to it.

Have you ever had a candid conversation with your kids about how they feel about your relationship? Listen to them without being defensive. Ask them how you can be better for them. Share with them (age appropriate) what you need.

If you have not spoken to them in a while, call or write now! Always keep in mind you are the parent and they are the child. Rejection is a heart breaker but never stop trying – ever. It very well might take your children having children before they respond but nevertheless you take the high road. They will then remember that you never gave up on them.

Commit to yourself to become active in their daily lives. They will be adults before you know it. My son is now 38 and I can still remember his grade school and high school years like they were yesterday!

Every child desires (and needs) to be called by name and told they are important and loved. Without question, society has known this and research has proven how critical and essential a father is in the life a child. A child needs to be cuddled. A child needs to be read to. A child needs help with homework, taught how to read a bicycle, or throw a football. More importantly, every child must know their father…the man. Who are you? What is your favorite food? What is your favorite memory? Who are your heroes? What do you need to be happy? Introduce yourself to them and build from there. The relationship starts with you!

Start now and enjoy the summer!